Gambling Jokes

Gambling Jokes

There’s the touching story of the young man who said to his girlfriend, “i bet you wouldn’t marry me.” the story goes that she not only called his bet but she raised him five!
A man walks into a butcher’s shop and inquires of the butcher: “Are you a gambling man?”
The butcher says “Yes”, so the man said: “I bet you L50 that you can’t reach up and touch that meat hanging on the hooks up there.”
The butcher says “I’m not betting on that.”
” But I thought you were a gambling man” the man retorts.
” Yes I am” says the butcher “but the steaks are too high.”

A woman was in a casino for the first time. The spinning ball of the roulette wheel has always caught her attention. She decides to play at the roulette table and she says, “I have no idea what number to play.”
A young, good-looking man nearby suggests she play her age. Smiling at the man, she puts her money on number 29. The wheel is spun, and 36 comes up. The smile drifts from the woman’s face and she faints.


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A guy named joe finds himself in dire trouble. his business has gone bust and he’s in serious financial trouble. he’s so desperate he decides to ask god for help. he begins to pray… “god, please help me. i’ve lost my business and if i don’t get some money, i’m going to lose my house as well. please let me win the lottery.” lottery night comes and somebody else wins it. joe again prays… “god, please let me win the lottery! i’ve lost my business, my house and i’m going to lose my car as well.” lotto night comes and joe still has no luck. once again, he prays… “my god, why have you forsaken me?? i’ve lost my business, my house, and my car. my wife and children are starving. i don’t often ask you for help and i have always been a good servant to you. please just let me win the lottery this one time so i can get my life back in order.” suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and joe is confronted by the voice of god Himself: “joe, meet me halfway on this. buy a ticket.”


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A man walks into a bar and notices a poker game at the far table. upon taking a closer look he sees a dog sitting at the table. this peaks his curiosity and he walks closer and sees cards and chips in front of the dog. then the next hand is dealt and cards are dealt to the dog. then the dog acts in turn with all the other players, calling, raising, discarding, everything the other human players were doing. however none of the other players seemed to pay any mind to the fact that they were playing with a dog, they just treated him like any other player. finally the man could not longer hold his tongue so between hands he quietly said to one of the players, “i can’t believe that dog is playing poker, he must be the smartest dog in the world!” the player smiled and said, “he isn’t that smart, every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail.”


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A rabbi, a minister, and a priest are playing poker when the police raid the game. Addressing the priest, the lead officer asks: “Father Murphy, were you gambling?” Turning his eyes to heaven, the priest whispers, “Lord, forgive me for what I am about to do.” To the police officer, he then says, “No, officer, I was not gambling.” The officer then asks the minister: “Pastor Johnson, were you gambling?” Again, after an appeal to heaven, the minister replies, “No, officer, I was not gambling.” Turning to the rabbi, the officer again asks: “Rabbi Goldstein, were you gambling?” Shrugging his shoulders, the rabbi replies: “With whom?”